We all know the stereotype: the man is the one who is supposed to go down on one knee and deal with the harrowing business of proposing; the woman is then expected to take over from there and assume responsibility for the slightly more complicated process of planning the actual wedding. But is this how everyone wants it or do men feel like they are getting their noses shoved out? Bumbling ineptitude and blind panic are common features of Don’t Tell the Bride when the boys are left to deal with it all alone, not to mention copious amounts of budget blowing boozing. Although that may provide entertaining viewing, why do men feel so out of their depth when it comes to making arrangements for the big day? Would they like to have more of a say in the proceedings or are they glad to leave the ladies to it?

After the romance of proposing comes the reality of planning: venue, vows, outfits, flowers and wedding photographers, amongst dozens of other considerations the gallant groom probably hasn’t even thought of. When faced with the logistics of the operation, a man’s most common response seems to be to vacate the premises immediately and take refuge in the nearest public house. However, is this an avoidance tactic to avoid the hassle and hard work, or does he escape because he feels as out of place looking at wedding catalogues as Jabba the Hutt  would sunbathing on Malibu Beach?

Stags versus Hens

Very few things make men and women conform to their gender roles like planning a wedding. Many women have dreamt of their big day since they were seven years old and as a result can become slightly over-zealous in ensuring everything is perfect when the time comes. This could make their men folk feel intimidated and reluctant to voice their opinions-after all, what man would dare to disagree with something that his significant other has been dreaming of for the past 20 years? Especially if he is sitting in a room full of his fiancée’s female friends who would crush him with a collective glare if he sounded even vaguely negative about her choice of colour scheme. Being seriously outnumbered, out-gunned and outflanked, many men probably feel like wedding planning is an entirely female domain and any attempt to get involved would constitute a serious invasion of their territory.

It Takes Two to Tango

With such an emphasis on the bride’s happiness, people are often guilty of forgetting about the groom’s needs entirely (including the groom himself). Who stays up all night worrying whether his outfit is perfect? Who goes the extra mile to make him feel like a prince when he is transported to the venue? The groom’s eagerness to please his other half, perhaps combined with a fear or reluctance to get embroiled in the nitty gritty details often results in him becoming an afterthought in the proceedings. This seems absurd, since without his involvement there would be no wedding at all, but it is surprising how often it happens. All parties need to remember that it is both the groom’s right and responsibility to have a say in how, where and when it happens. After all, it is supposed to be the biggest day in his life as well and it can’t happen without him.

About the Author

Gem Wilson is a blogger and event organiser who regularly leads brave wedding photographers behind enemy lines to take snazzy snaps of the happy couple.